I have been arguing back and forth with myself in the last few weeks. The problem is that writing is getting in the way of writing. When I started my blog I intended to write about art and poetry but then expanded into memoir, stories of life and observations of nature, nothing earth-shattering or so necessary that the reading community was waiting impatiently for my next blog. I did not write for fame or a certain group of people or to tally up followers. I wrote to hone my writing and in the process probably broke every rule my blogging advisor taught with the exceptions of giving credit where credit is due and meticulous spell-checking.
I wrote about what interested me and I read the posts of others who were doing interesting things. I am amazed at the creativity of the people whose blogs I follow, their discipline and determination to do their best work at whatever they were doing to make their mark on the world.
Recently I wrote about taking up the challenge of painting again and that I have done. I have found a renewed energy in seeing what I can do and thinking about what I will do next. However, my poetry sits neglected, poems asleep between the covers of the “Works in Progress” folder.
The argument I am having with myself is a sparring dialogue back and forth over the fence: How do you want to live your life in the present? How do you want to proceed with the remainder of your years? What is most important to your development as a poet and artist? What things do you love to do most? Is blogging a detour from your goals? And the shame voice weighs in – Are you a quitter?
I have had my doubts and arguments with myself about my art career as well but I keep at it in one way or another, no matter what. Poetry is relatively newer to me but I set a goal of studying other poets, reading poems, reading poetry criticism and laboring in anguish trying to write it, to make it perfect. I remember more than a few people saying “Do one thing and do it well.” I want to do two things and do them well and I find that life is full of duties, distractions, responsibilities, obligations and expectations. One needs a lot of time to do two things well.
I am on the serious downward slope of middle age. What I want to do now is be the best painter and printmaker, the best poet I can be while I am here. I also want to read more, spend more time with family and friends, meet new people and be more attentive to the ones I know. I want to ride my bike more and explore the back roads of Arizona and the other western states. I want to be more present in nature even if it’s just the field outside my door. So I am going to take a hiatus from WordPress for awhile. I may chime in again someday, probably later than sooner.
I loved how each blog I followed was different, each person unique in their outlook, the variety of skills this community of writers, photographers, journalists, book artists, illustrators and poets present to the world. I truly am grateful and mindful of the kind human beings who have read my posts and do wish them all the success and fulfillment they want for themselves. I have checked off one more thing on my list of things to do – to say farewell.